The Ex Factor and Friends With Benefits (The Dating Series)

Hiya Peeps,

So I have been attending a few holiday functions in an effort to get my party on. Whoop, whoop! 

Most recently I went to a local haunt that has more of an after party vibe. It starts way down in the middle of the night and it’s the kind of venue where the crowd end up after  you’ve already had a good night.  While there I decided to have a little dance with a (married) friend that I have known for years; during which he told me he was mid break-up. I was genuinely sad to hear this news as I know his lady quite well and believe me when I say his ex is a phenomenal woman. Dude was heart broken and spent the majority of the time we interacted crying about old girl. He said he only came out from under the break-up rock to shake off the funk he had been in for the last six months since the relationships demise.

Nas and Kelis kept their much publicised break-up classy by keeping quiet

This got me to thinking about the process of a break ups especially as we are heading for the New Year, a time when we often reflect on our lives. In the midst of a big break up even when we are the ones that ended the union we can experience a period of pain that is so intense that it feels physical followed by mourning for the loss of the future that we had once planned.   Finally we can experience the beauty of growth if we allow the process of healing to take place. Some of us take each step through these dark times kicking and screaming using their pain as an excuse to keep emotionally rooted in grief.

Mashonda went crazy after her split with Swizz Beatz and went to the media

Therefore there is no development or understanding of what events lead you into an unhealthy relationship in the first place.  This is the real tragedy rather than the lost love as we are unable to forgive ourselves or our ex partners for the mess that has been created.  Acceptance is the dustpan and forgiveness is the broom of this emotional clean-up operation.  It is the only way that we are able to move through the experience weary but whole. Without this work we will continue to return to these relationships or similar ones. We will repeat earlier mistakes that will break our hearts all over again. For this reason I think that sex with an ex is a ill advised but so many of us are doing it. (my friend and his ex wife get it on several times a week)

The media have reported that these ex's still get together for sex

I feel like I missed the memo on this as I really do not see the point in doing the nasty with an old partner.  My friend described the relationship with his wife as friends with benefits another city concept that I struggle with unless you married what else could you describe your intimate relationships as???  If you are married and still having sex then I call what your experiencing a rough patch?

Please comment

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