I have been speaking to various friends lately about the low level of value placed on the black woman in the city. This phenomena is most evident to me when I go to the club or when I analyse the public relationships between black men and women of other races.
For example, when I go to a club where there are only a few white women present. Their is an air of confidence about these women which is demonstrated through their dominant body language, outlandish dress code and her centre stage mentality. Which will lead this type of woman to middle of the floor in an effort to make it clear that not only can she can she do the 'cowfoot' but she can also Ali G her way through the night by assuming what she thinks is black cultural behavior. Black men are mesmorised by such women, and this group is circled and she has her pick of the black men in this enviroment. Fast forward five years later this same woman will be talking patois to me on my job. Giving me hints and tips on how to make my rice and peas come out sweet, etc....
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| Tulisa has been accussed of blacking up until X Factor |
When I ask the brothers why they do not see the beauty in black women and why they prefer to settle down with woman of other racial groups, I have heard it all...
- Black women are bitter
- Black women run their mouth too much
- Black women do not know how to support their men
- Black women are agressive
- Black women have too many babies daddies (who givin' em the freekin' babies)
- Last but not least, I love black women but....
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| The Answer is No |
When the truth is a small minority of our men have given up on ever beig connected to us in a real way. They do not want to look at themselves at all. They do not want to be held accountable for their children, community or develop. Lets face it there is a lot of work to do in these ere city streets. These men seek to escape their black reality through their relatioships with the other. In these males our community has lost very littlle. Without balls you are no longer a man you transition into some thing else. (Lady boy?)
However most black men on some level recognise the value in their women, however I have noticed that some brothers hold us to a completely different standard of behaviour than our white/asian/latina/chinese counterparts. Meaning for the three years, you were dating that female from another race you were perfectly happy to eat whatever she warmed up out of a can and gave you. It didn't matter to you, that this woman gave you head in a club the first night you met or that she takes a lot of random cock. Gets high and is broke. But now you wid a sistah you want hard food every day. She must have Bsc/BA/MA/PhD. She must not have any kind of sexual past or children or she is damaged goods. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
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| Oh Yeah! |
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ReplyDeleteThis is deep in the sense of it dates back to slavery.... Yes I took it there! It the psychological state of mind that black people have not addressed (all of us) SELF HATRED. Everything we do is dictated by someone else or an entity that does not include black people as it was not designed for us. We do not think independently, we are born within a readymade template and we either fit in with one group or another or risk TOTAL rejection by all.
ReplyDeleteSo let me bring it back to black relationships, if we hate ourselves and turn to others for love, respect and motivation and treat our own with disrespect, judgement and with no value. If this is the case black women will always been seen as bitter because our hair is not naturally straight, our skin is dark and our bodies are naturally curved. So what do we do straighten our hair, bleach our skin and get liposuction and our men still cannot see this is all for them and yet still reject or mistreat us.
To answer the central question first: yes, I love black women. No yeah buts, no buts or erms, err, urghs or hestitations. A plain and simple yes will suffice. However, it was a love I guess I took for granted.
ReplyDeleteAs a British-born and educated black man, I fell in love with a non-black woman many moons ago. Nothing wrong there but having been in that relationship for over a decade and a half, I now realise that though I have two perfect children from that relationship, it was not one which would have sustained itself any longer than which it did.
Anyway, that's another story. Book soon come. :)
I'm a businessman, not too unsuccessful and I simply look to share my future successes with a sister. Why now? Well, I'm not on the scrapheap of life, or so i hope. I'm now in the enviable position of having been through a long relationship and can afford to be choosy about where to find my future wife.
Of course, Destiny may have other plans for me but I'm looking straight in the mirror and looking for someone who shares my cultural and racial heritage or at the very least understands it.
I think it comes down to the fact that a black woman MAY have a better understanding of what I've been through in order to get to this point in my life. The shared struggle, the unspoken nod of affirmation, the understanding subtle or explicit of the politics of race and the workplace is something that another woman would struggle to give me. Simple as that really.
But dearest Coco, one thing though: I think the reason why most people get together isn't down to race but simple, physical attraction. No doubt some people actively seek people who look like them but similarly a large number of men/ women seek something the reverse of what they are/ look like. As the laws of physics tell us - opposites attract, and similarly, like forces repel...
And Michelle, I don't even think we really even need to go back to slavery to answer this modern dilemma. My point is proven a billion times over with the multitude of mixed race/ bi-racial people through history. Slave owners were attracted to their 'stock' and forcibly took that which they felt they were entitled too. And perhaps, controversially for some, the same laws of attraction held sway for slaves too. Who knows?
Either way, my point is this: Black men love black women. We always have and always will.
For the most part, most black men love their mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins et al. Whether we choose to be with them though is a matter of personal choice rather than a conspiracy.
For many in the sisterhood they see a (successful) black man's choice to be with a non-black (e.g usually white) woman as a personal snub rather than one of passion. The more high profile the man, the bigger the grievance, ie he’s a sell out. Sometimes though a difference is nice even if it does carry the odd complication here and there. You don't live your life walking in anyone else's shoes so why should they?
My advice: Sisters keep doing you! Quality rises to the top. You may not find him tomorrow but better to wait for the right man than be unhappy in a dead end relationship, right? Getting with the shifty dude with the bling from the local club/ bar may not be the right thing to do. Have you tried going to the theatre? Art gallery? Joined/ started a book club? Visited a local history group etc?
My point is this: look for your future husband in the place where you would wish to find him, if you don't the answer to your problems will continue to stare at you loudly from the mirror...
Love you all... :)
Wow.
DeleteTotally agree with you davy. I can't speak on behalf of other black women but personally I have never felt or noticed a decline in the black man's attraction to black women nor do I see a mass increase in mix raced couples. What I do see are plenty of black couples who are still basking in the joys of marriage. Though racial symmetry and relationship success don't seem directly linked. I mean I can see why one's 'roots' are important to share with a partner but for generations born and raised in Western/European countries we'd do well to dip into our current culture too.
DeleteAs you say "look for your future husband in the place where you would wish to find him". Due to my particular interests outside of the club I have been led to an abundance of non-black men and my inclination towards them seems as natural as can be so I assume the same is true for black men who have found love with non-black women?
This was a great topic. I agree with you in principle though I feel self hate is of the human condition and not just black folk. It is hard to push past society's expectations. From as early as our influences at school we are asked to blend and fit in and this makes us want to be like everyone else. Maturity brings with it social freedom and acceptance for one's own body, hair and skin and therefore this dilemma really affects us all. I think it is the strength of black women that helps us recognise our own potential and those women attract men wherever they go the one's that fit the stereotypical mould are perhaps still trying to find themselves?
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