Are You Good in Bed?

Hiya Peeps,

Historically the heterosexual relationship dynamic has placed the burden of sexual performance on the brothers; unless the lady in question is in sales of course. Men have been expected to pin point where all the erogenous zones are on the female body and then deliver the right amount of stimulation balanced with penetration to get the lady in question off. Some men are able to manage the balancing act better than others but according to my sources many of you are not doing the thing right. Erectile dysfunction is the number one complaint amongst the ladies whereas the gents quote laziness as their biggest gripe. Now since my panel was made up of the under forties crew I am baffled by our inability to get sexy.

Bey on top

Every woman has been privy more than once to the whole girth or length debate. Not to mention; he ain’t that big but... good lawd he can work it/eat it.  But it never occurred to me to wonder what the brothers were saying about us.  The reviews are not good apparently large pockets of women think that all they have to do is show up and assume the position; brothers say they are left wondering what was learned in previous relationships. The biggest turn off is an unwillingness to perform anything other than the basics. I touched on this issue a few months back when discussing the role of pornographic material in our sex lives.

However month after month y’all have been filling my inbox with dialogue that highlights a gender based shift in modern sexual relationships; changing society’s expectations and our ideas surrounding what we consider good sex.  More than ever women are expected to suck it/ video it/double it up and skin it out. But not just in committed relationships where people feel safe and comfortable but even in the most casual of link ups.  I know I’m not the only one who’s received a crazy video on their smart phone of some hood porn stars gone viral. Now I’m not the sexy police but I’m not sure how one ends up filming one of these videos when we all know how some men just have to show the world what a boss they are between the sheets. Not to mention the bitter girlfriend/ boyfriend that wants to create a fuss Mr Vegas any-one?) How does any- one feel comfortable making such a video outside the trust of a committed relationship?  Furthermore when did the memo go out that all women should love anal, toss salads, enjoy bondage and group love as an opening act.  Call me old fashioned but I really like the idea of saving some things for some-one special. One of my readers who inspired this article told me how frustrated she had become with dating as more than one of her recent boy toys wanted to engage in explicit phone calls before date three. I wonder if this woman’s reluctance to engage in a little talk would be considered lazy or boring.

Every man I have ever spoken to about sex has expressed his need to prove that he is a stamina daddy especially during the early days when the relationship is still new.  Nothing could be worse for a man’s ego than to be labelled weak or an unsatisfying lover. We need look no further than the male performance enhancements available in the back of your monthly magazine to understand the pressure. Not to mention the many strong back juices, Ginseng and Viagra. So if all these products are on the market there should not be a soft penis anywhere. But if both sexes are expressing sexual dissatisfaction could it just be that our sex live are representative of our overall relationships with each other

Readers are convinced that a mixture of reality television and  black music are responsible for the increased pressure.  The truth is that every couple of years sexually explicit tune comes out that we are all singing despite ourselves (Remember the whisper song?)  Smart phones and internet access en masse have meant that most people can check out the visual naughty like never before but we all need to remember is these folks are ACTORS.  And emulating them does not make you good in bed it just makes you an unpaid porn star.  Please understand that I am not scorning the individual sex acts but im just wondering  if we have taken a step back. All this chit chat does leaves me wondering what kind of bedroom personality makes an individual good in bed?

I wanna find out