Are You Lonely?

Hiya Peeps,

 I have just been reading the words of another blogger Nickisha Brunson of the Urban Bush Babes who recently moved State to follow her now husband. Ending their two year long distance relationship and beginning their life together as a married couple.  After I had finished gushing over their love story the thing that resonated with me was that she had left behind friends, family and a job for love. Which is all good but I’m positive Mrs. Brunson and her sexy new husband will help each other through the transition period.  But I can’t help wondering if she feels lonely? I know we have Facebook, Skype, Tango, Whatsapp, Instant messenger and email to keep us connected but how can these tools replace a hug, eye to eye conversation and that vital participation in some-one’s life.  You know that feeling you get when you really hug someone and you can smell their individual scent. Nothing can replicate that.

Nikisha Bruson of the UBB on her wedding Day

Loneliness seems to be a consequence of modern lifestyle choices that so many of us make, yet it seems that this topic is still taboo.  Its like an admission of loneliness makes you saddo.  More than ever we are called to move for jobs, love, academic pursuits etc.... In the last five years I have become aware of the emotion both in others and myself.  As our need to connect with each other is no longer as easy or prioritised as it once was; how does one cope?  

I used to think of loneliness  only affected the older folks but now I realise  that loneliness does not discriminate and people  from all age and stages are affected by loneliness. Some are lonely for old friendships, family members while many want a relationship. We live in a culture that constantly tells us that we deserve the kinds of friendships that Oprah has, and a relationship like Will and Jada which informs us not settle. The numerous online dating sites, speed dating events and crazy romantic comedies that cover this topic are testimony to the fact that most of us want to connect but have unrealistic expectations left us cold.

I know a very attractive woman who has bravely stepped out of an unhappy marriage after ten years. While the disappointment at the demise of the relationship has been sad; the thing that this woman really emits is loneliness. Which is quickly gaining momentum into something else like desperation which is never sexy. The thing that has been so interesting about home girl is that she has it all financial stability, career, beautiful home and plenty of friends.This has not stopped her feeling a deep vacuum for the thing that she no longer has. As a result she is now dating unsuccessfully.  Her recent choices in men would have never even gotten her number prior to her divorce which has resulted in her current battle with low self esteem and loneliness.  The men she decides to date on some level feel her inner turmoil and like all vulnerable people unless you are very lucky opportunists will inevitably take advantage of those who are willing to compromise for what they believe they want and need.